How to grow when every cell in your body implores you to stay.
Homeostasis is a real cock-blocker.
I’m just a girl. Standing in front of a poopcase. Asking you to be brave.
It’s really hard to ghost your comfort zone. I spent my entire childhood trapped in a gap-toothed, mushroom-cut, bespectacled hell and would have sooner chewed off my right arm than square dance in gym class. (Why did we learn this instead of tax preparation?)
Our brains are always trying to save us from some form of death. Be it self-sabotage or social suicide or for-realsies RIP RIP demise. This is why change is so hard. Because change is the death of what you do now.
Status quo can be lovely. Nemo’s dad is a big fan! It’s warm and squishy and safe and familiar. It feels so good to swim in these waters because nothing bad can ever happen. But that’s because nothing actually happens at all.
Tension arises when our hearts lap our brains.
When we get sudden soul chub to start a business or join the Peace Corps or bid on an abandoned farm in Tuscany, our minds turn into joyless insurance agents.
The time isn’t right.
You should save for retirement.
Your career is going well so you should successfully rot there.
The good news is that we can override self-preservation. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminds us of what we need to climb out of deficiency mode.
To become vine-y humans and wrap our hungry little tendrils around every opportunity, we have to first feel loved, connected and validated. In other words, reaching supreme Don’t Give A Fuck If I Fail status requires us all to first give three important fucks.
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH
If you are hanging around twat waffles who diss your ambitions, kindly excuse yourself and run into the loving arms of people who won’t shit on you.
If these people don’t exist in your immediate circle, volunteer somewhere. Join a club. Meet friends online. Watch YouTube channels of people who have similar goals. Or message me.
You don’t have to keep doing the same thing for the rest of your life because it makes sense.
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT CRAWLING BEFORE YOU RUN
Though going immediately balls deep is my favorite thing to do, remember that growth is a muscle. If you change your entire life overnight without ever having so much as farted wrong, you’re going to shock your system and slither back under your rock.
You need steady wins and gentle setbacks. Get a tiny white girl tattoo. Poop in the woods. Sing a stupid Journey song at a bar. Take yourself out for dinner alone without looking at your phone. Try butt stuff.
Your brain needs a proven track record to trust your heart.
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT LIVING NOW
Not when you have money. Not when the kids are older. Not when you lose 20 pounds and look hot in a halter. NOW BITCH. Bookmark the life lessons of the old and dying and keep that tab open to ogle whenever you conclude a soul-crushing Zoom call.
Now is all we have.
One of my fave YouTubers, who chose to live full-time in his mother’s van after she died of cancer, narrates one of his videos to this gorgeous quote from Don Hertzfeldt’s short film, World of Tomorrow:
Do not lose time on daily trivialities. Do not dwell on petty detail. For all of these things melt away, and drift apart within the obscure traffic of time. Live well, and live broadly. You are alive and living now. Now is the envy of all of the dead.
Read that aloud and let your skin shudder in wonder every time your brain turns into that virginal, mouth-breathing, khakis-wearing insurance agent.
The heart wins in this story.