You know when you visit a National Park once and wonder if you should start whittling wood? Imagine that feeling never going away, because you don’t return to a typical way of life.
Personas I’ve never related to have plagued me the last two months of van-life: Frontier woman. Land baroness. Davy Crockett. Billy goat. Gold panner?
I like to think I’m myself no matter where I am or who I’m with. (Sorry clients.) But this nether Morgan sprang out of me when I was beating the dust from a rug beside an actual babbling brook.
I felt brand new? Am I beaming over here doing pioneer work when I could be fucking around in the Metaverse?
A grandma is born.
Lately, I’ve been enjoying stupid-simple pleasures. In contrast to the dopamine-jolting landscapes we see, life has been pretty Quaker-y. Having clean clothes, a full fridge, mud-free flooring and a fat tank of diesel has been oddly euphoric.
Look at me with deodorant on and brushed hair like a fucking Rockefeller!
I can now understand why the Ingalls children were gagging over that balloon Pa made out of a pig bladder. Kind of.
I’ve never been above simple pleasures. But now literal chores are weirdly enjoyable. I get excited when I have to vacuum (all 150 sq ft) and always volunteer to empty the poopcase…which puts a twinkle in every man’s eye on the campsite because hoes don’t seem to mess with black water.
It feels exactly like being a kid again, eager to jump in and be useful but ultimately not caring how quickly (or well) the jobs get done. Maybe this is what retirement is like?
Big (borderline DUH?) questions:
Does all this mean we can skip our mid-life crises simply by having less and experiencing more NOW? Do we get to stop feeling like things are happening to us, and instead feel wildly in control, grateful and rooted to the right now – merely from acting more like our 8/80 year old selves?
When I apprenticed at a funeral home in 2020, I was staggered by how young people were dying. Alongside the steady stream of near centenarians were dozens of 40-60 somethings. People who were stress-eating pasta and hating their jobs mere days before were leaving behind untapped retirement funds and devastated families.
This is why I’ve eliminated the someday mentality from my life. Fuck someday. Fuck chasing shit that doesn’t matter. Fuck waiting for anything that feels good.
When nothing is below you, nothing is beyond you.
A non-precious life is the most precious thing we can live. And it’s something most people seem to discover after a career of chasing acclaim.
Examples: Pam Anderson moving back to Vancouver Island to spend most of her time with her organic vegetable garden. Jeremy Clarkson choosing to farm his own land. Every lawyer handing in their notice to walk dogs or sell ice cream in Costa Rica.
Remember that now is the envy of the dead. And to pay attention to the inside voice that gets excited over nothing. That’s your North Star.
